Watching the news this morning and all I keep hearing over and over again is that today is June 1st, 2016... "Welcome to June"
I'm not sure I can do this... how is it already June... this time last year I was living everyday wondering whether that light at the end of the tunnel was Gods saving grace or a train coming to crush me. And most of all I was wondering when. When would the day be that I had to say goodbye and let go. so I lived every day as a blessing. This year I feel infinitely worse... This year I know that light is a train. going a million miles and hour and weighing in at a zillion tons. I know exactly how hard it hits and just how badly it hurts. and worst of all I know exactly down to the second when it will strike me back down. This time however I am quite sure that it will run over me, back up, and hit me again.
I see now what a gift it was last year to not know. It felt like waiting around for dooms day but this... this is worse.
I hate you June. I hate that you are warm and you are so inviting. I hate that I cant deny my wish to be out playing in your sunshine. I hate how you smell like spring and fresh flowers and you sound like children's laughter. I hate how this perfect weather keeps a smile on my face and a warmth in my heart. God knew I needed you June to be my warm embrace during this hard time. God knew that if he took Amirra from me in the depths of cold winter where everything was gray and cold and dead that my heart would not be able to cope. I hate you June. But if all my sweet Amirra remembers about her time here is that way you made me feel and the way you make the world happy and new then I am grateful. I hate you June. But thank you for giving me the light of a new day and a reason to get out of bed. Thank you for giving me the warm embrace of an angel on the other side. Thank you for being the bright light in the darkness of despair. Thank you for shinning even brighter for my precious Amirra.
I miss you Amirra
Love you Longer than Life
